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  1. #1
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    Talking A little light reading. Knife fight btwn every American President. Who wins?




    In a Mass Knife Fight to the Death Between Every American President, Who Would Win and Why? « Face in the Blue

    Before even reading, my choice was Teddy R.
    I do think that George Washington would go further than the author.... don't let the white wig and wooden teeth fool ya.... He was a tough cookie, the Father of our Nation.

    Anyway, thought you guys (and gals) would enjoy this read. I did.
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  2. #2
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    Andrew Jackson was a mean SOB and still would be !!! Numerous duels and had a passion for killing Native Americans....I think he would be a #1 seed !

  3. #3
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    Lyndon Johnson, would hide until there was only one standing and then stab him in the back.
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    i'd have to go with Taft. they'd have to be using Rambo knives for any to cut deep enough to be fatal.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scottish caveman View Post
    Andrew Jackson was a mean SOB and still would be !!! Numerous duels and had a passion for killing Native Americans....I think he would be a #1 seed !
    Yeah. That one was the first one that came to mind for me as well.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Bigglesworth View Post
    No love for William Henry Harrison?
    He'd be the first to die. And not of stab wounds either.
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    LBJ was a coward, he'd run from everybody and start cutting deals, I bet he'd make it further than we think. I also suspect we'd get some WWE Battle Royal strategy where smaller guys team up on the powerhouses like Jackson, Lincoln, and Washington. So we'd end up with someone like Polk or Harding as the winner by default. Teddy and Washington would end up face to face and like Hogan and Andre in the battle royal before Wrestlemania III, everybody would stop what they are doing and watch. Then they'd kill each other.
    .

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    I'll go with the flow on this one, it would have to be Jackson.

  10. #10
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    first impression, Teddy Roosevelt
    AAT '12 - Dan Schlereth

  11. #11
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    yep. bad ***. You can just tell.
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  12. #12
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    I like Ike.
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    Quote Originally Posted by zimm View Post
    i'd have to go with Taft. they'd have to be using Rambo knives for any to cut deep enough to be fatal.
    I had a similar thought.
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    What a great and unique thread! Great job, Sue!

    Before I clicked into the thread, I thought Andrew Jackson, hands down. That's only because I know he was a mean sonofabitch as a kid and young man. I don't know the back stories of many of the other preidents, though.

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    My first thought was Teddy R. and maybe Jackson. But Jackson would be good with dueling pistols, not knives. Maybe Grant? Give him a pint of bourbon and a weapon, he'd keep charging forward no matter the consequences.
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  16. #16
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    Many of the early presidents would take out the black guy immediately.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Oblong View Post
    LBJ was a coward, he'd run from everybody and start cutting deals, I bet he'd make it further than we think. I also suspect we'd get some WWE Battle Royal strategy where smaller guys team up on the powerhouses like Jackson, Lincoln, and Washington. So we'd end up with someone like Polk or Harding as the winner by default. Teddy and Washington would end up face to face and like Hogan and Andre in the battle royal before Wrestlemania III, everybody would stop what they are doing and watch. Then they'd kill each other.
    Hey, easy on Polk........he was a GREAT President !


    and Ike wouldn't win the knife fight, but he'd certain develop a strategy that could win it.

    Warren Harding would stab his own mother for a buck, but no one would come to his defense because he was a prick.

    George Washington was quite a dancer, he had some moves.

    Zachary Taylor was always over dressed and would be too worried about getting blood on his clothes.

    Jack Kennedy had a bad back, but he could tolerate him some pain.

    Gerald Ford would be too kind to stab anyone, but he could block for ya.

    Garfield and McKinley need to be quicker.

    Abe Lincoln was a wrestler as a young man (no joking) and before he got sick and frail he was very strong, and that lankiness might work in his favor.

    Nixon would have someone do the stabbing for him and then try to cover it up and end up tripping and falling on the knife himself.

    Dick Cheney would tell George W. Bush what to do with the knife, while betting on Bush's failure and make a bunch of money when GWB bought it.

    Barack Obama would kneel facing Mecca and ask for guidance from Allah (this is Hank Williams Jr's idea, not mine).



    I'd have to agree with sue. T.R. He probably laugh and enjoy the damn thing.
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  18. #18
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    MCS, I enjoyed that!
    Live your life for what it can be and not for what it was.

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  19. #19
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    Would come down to Jackson vs. Teddy Roosevelt. Lincoln overrated. Bush I a darkhorse to make top 5.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Corky View Post
    Many of the early presidents would take out the black guy immediately.
    And i don't think it would be very hard to do, either. A guy who wears mom jeans wouldn't seem to be very handy in hand to hand combat.

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by chasfh View Post
    And i don't think it would be very hard to do, either. A guy who wears mom jeans wouldn't seem to be very handy in hand to hand combat.
    Maybe he could distract them by challenging the field to a to-the-death bowling match, and...

    Wait... no, he's a dead man.
    As God is my witness... I thought turkeys could fly.

  22. #22
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    No love for US Grant? That's a solid choice right there. Also John Adams would outsmart them all.
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  23. #23
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    Ronald Reagan, the Evil Mastermind, might have some suprises and win the whole thing!!

    SNL - Reagan Mastermind Skit

  24. #24
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    I know this will sound very mean, but how would FDR not be among the first dead?

    Personally, I take the war guys as being in the top 8 (Grant, Hayes, Washington, Pierce, etc.) Throw in Jackson, and a few of the modern guys (past 75 years).

    EDIT: I just read the advantage that they gave FDR.
    Last edited by belcherboy; 09-07-2012 at 01:35 PM.

  25. #25
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    They need to create a "Hunger Games" President edition!

  26. #26
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    George H.W. Bush. War Hero. CIA Man. If I had to pick the President post-industrial revolution most likely to have actually killed a man with his hands, it would be him.
    ‎"For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; the flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land."

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  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by hueytaxi View Post
    MCS, I enjoyed that!

    I LOVE Presidential history. Whenever it's a Jeopardy category I ace it.
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  28. #28
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    Obama all the way. He may seem mild and well-mannered and he may not look very tough, but neither did Gus Fring. He lived in Chicago and he's a White Sox fan. You do the math.
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  29. #29
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    I do find it interesting that he describes James Monroe as not being memorable... the guy had a pretty long political career in various levels of government. Two of of the issues/names he's associated with: Monroe Doctrine (which was and is considered a pretty bold policy for such a young country) and the Era of Good Feelings. He was President during a major economic crisis, and during the controversy that led to the Missouri Compromise. He also served as Secretary of State and the Secretary of War.... at the same time.

    And that's just a sample.

    Mind you, I have no idea how he'd do in a knife fight of this kind. But to describe him as not being memorable? That's just wrong.
    This spot, and a place in my heart, is reserved for TC.

  30. #30
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    I am sitting here giggling like an idiot because I found the youtube clip from Arsenic and Old Lace showing the insane brother who thinks he's Teddy Roosevelt.

    This is why I think Teddy would win. I think he was probably as depicted here:



    That's just crazy...
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  31. #31
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    One of my favorite movies of all time. CHARGE!!!
    This spot, and a place in my heart, is reserved for TC.

  32. #32
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    mine, too.
    Of all the things in life I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

  33. #33
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    I had a child's part in the play before I had ever seen the movie, in fact I still haven't. We had a bespectacled Teddy with a long shiny saber running in and our of the stage raving like a lunatic, I think he was too much in character and I recall some fear of him. I forget the role my mother played, but it seemed she was on stage most of the two acts.
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  34. #34
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    "..we couldn't very well have the body in plain view with the rector coming for tea, that wouldn't be very nice."
    This spot, and a place in my heart, is reserved for TC.

  35. #35
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    And btw Jackson was the one who immediately popped into my head as well.
    This spot, and a place in my heart, is reserved for TC.

  36. #36
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    Ike was not a battlefield commander. Grant, TR, Washington, Jackson, Harrison, and...Truman, definitely were.

    Lost a lot of respect for Truman over his fumbling in my recent reading though...Pendergast hack.

    If you needed something bombed...the Bushes were both able to drive a plane...Bush 41 was an athlete too.
    Last edited by ROMAD1; 09-08-2012 at 11:50 AM.
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  37. #37
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    wait, didn't you guys see Lincoln as the Vampire hunter? Dude can fly and ****. He's my winner.
    .

  38. #38
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    Abe has the reach, his length would be a great advantage.

  39. #39
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    Do you folks not pay any attention? Bush Jr spent nearly all of his 8 years on "vacation" training with Putin. He was preparing for this battle.
    VT

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