Whatever Thread!

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 07:45 AM

Driftwood...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 07:54 AM

Just in case you find yourself at an exclusive dinner party...
Which probably won't happen...Loser...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 07:57 AM

Good Try...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 07:59 AM

Yes...But maybe once a year...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 08:07 AM

Yummy...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 08:13 AM

Yes...One for now and the other for later...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 08:18 AM

I understand this is still legal...
But for how long...
So enjoy it while you can...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 08:27 AM

The Reality of A Soldier's Sacrifice...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 08:57 AM

WHAT IS IT ABOUT BASEBALL...

You know...I have loved Baseball since I was a little kid with a plastic ball and bat...
When I learned that I could hit the ball and catch the ball and throw the ball...It was all good...
And then when I actually played a game with other kids in the neighborhood...
And we ran the bases...And we were excited...And it was great fun...And we didn't want to stop when it got dark...
And then later, we played Baseball at school...And we had a coach...And we learned how to play as a team...
And we all had our favorite teams and our favorite players...And there was baseball cards...
And you could watch the big league players on TV and listen on the Radio...
And then you could go to a real ballgame...And eat Hot Dogs and Cotton Candy and Cracker Jacks...
And you could cheer for your team and your favorite players...And it was fun and you loved it...
And then you grew up...And you had to work for a living...And maybe you struggled...And maybe life was tough...
And maybe everything wasn't coming up Roses for you...And life may have become a grind...
BUT...There was always Baseball...And you could watch a good game and forget about all the other stuff...
And you could still pull for your team and your favorite players...
And you know, deep inside, that there is something special about Baseball...
And you wonder how people can survive without caring about this great sport...
And even if your favorite team is losing and your favorite player turns out to be a bum...
Ain't Baseball Grand!!!

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 02:03 PM

THE MIGHTY PICKLE...

You know...Sometimes it's the little things that happen in your life that you remember...
I mean, like silly stuff that really is not that important, but sort of fun to think about for a minute or two...
Well...One of those little things happened today at a local deli, here where I live...
This deli makes really good sandwiches and they give you a pickle spear (1/4 of a pickle) with the sandwich...
So...Today I get my usual sandwich and I take a couple of bites and I notice they forgot my pickle...
So, I go up to the counter and tell them and the guy says that pickle spears are now $1.25 extra...
And I thought he was kidding, but he was not...And with a startled look, I went back to my seat...
And I contemplated whether I ever wanted to come back to this deli...
BUT...Just then, this rather large woman with a New York accent, got loud...
And she told the guy what she thought about the $1.25 for the pickle spear...
And she went on and on and kept getting louder, and everyone in the deli was smiling and listening...
And you know...Most of us there felt like getting up and clapping for this woman, because we really felt the same way...
And then, Tony, the owner, comes out from back in the kitchen and he listens to the large woman with the loud voice...
And then it happened, The little thing!!! The owner gave the woman a pickle spear...
And he went back to the kitchen area and got a tray and came around and gave everyone a pickle spear...
And Tony apologized to everyone with a tear in his eye and he told us he was just trying to keep the deli open...
And you know...Most everyone put a couple of bucks on the counter as they left the deli...
Yes...It was one of those little things, that you will probably remember...

**smr-nj** · 05-02-2012, 02:33 PM

Nice pickle story. (Any truth to it?

)

When I was growing up in the Bronx, across the street from the elementary school I attended (St. Mary's), was a corner deli. We (the kids) had to wait for our school bus, but usually had a few minutes before they came and we'd have to board them. Most kids popped into the deli for candy, chips, etc.
Most kids..... but not me.
The deli had dill pickles in the wooden barrel. They were the same price as a candy bar.

I loved those damn pickles.

I'd turn over my coins, and use the tongs to select the pickle of my choice, which would be cut in half and wrapped in wax paper for me. I thanked the deli guy... and might have even muttered a Catholic school girl "God bless you" on occassion. The pickle usually lasted til I had to get off the bus.
Bonus: very few kids ever wanted to swap some of their candy for some of my pickle.

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 05:10 PM

FIGHT AT THE BOWLING ALLEY...

You know...It's been quite a while since I went bowling...
I never was really good, but we had fun when I was in college and I have good memories of it all...
So...This past Monday, a friend called me and asked if I could go bowling because two of their team players were gone...
And the alternates couldn't come either...So I started to say no, but he sounded sort of desperate, so I agreed...
And I got the rented shoes and I found a ball that I could pick up and stick my fingers in...
And we started bowling and I was not doing too bad...I had a couple of spares and was ready to bowl again...
When all of a sudden, these two guys in the lane next to ours, starting yelling at each other...
And then one of the guys pushed the other one back...And then the other guy tackled him...
And they were down on the bowling alley floor, punching and kicking and tearing shirts...
And it was ugly...And some of the other guys grabbed them and tried to get it stopped...
But one of the guys fighting was really strong and really mad and it was hard to get them to stop...
And I was just standing there, holding my bowling ball, and waiting till this was over...
And they finally got both of them restrained and there was blood on the floor and one of the guys had his bowling shirt torn up...
And then two of the other guys started arguing and I thought there was going to be another fight...
And just about everyone in the bowling alley had stopped bowling and was watching all this...
But...It all got settled down and they came and cleaned up the blood...And people started bowling again...
And so I took my turn and bowled...And I was shocked, because I made a Strike...
And then the police arrived and I couldn't see what happened to the two guys who were fighting...
And later, we heard what the fight was about...And it was a silly reason...One of the guys laughed at the other guy for a gutter ball...
And I thought to myself...Would I ever fight someone because they laughed at me...With me being a grown man...
And for a moment, just a fleeting moment, I thought, YES I would...
"IS THAT YOUR FINAL ANSWER"...
And I had one Land Line available...
And I called my Mom and she told me to answer NO...
And I knew Mom was always right...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 05:19 PM

What's the worst that could happen...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 07:38 PM

From a 1st Grader...

**smr-nj** · 05-02-2012, 08:23 PM

^^ as usual, wisdom - out of the mouths of babes.

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 08:36 PM

She begged him not to go...
And he said he would be back in a year with enough money so they could marry...
And she cried and hugged him for one last time...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 08:39 PM

Remembering...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 08:53 PM

So...Have you ever wanted to move somewhere to forget it all...
And just enjoy life, one day at a time...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-02-2012, 09:08 PM

Yes...You can pretend...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 01:24 PM

He watches Tom and Jerry cartoons on TV everyday...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 01:29 PM

Teenagers on a date...
1957

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 01:36 PM

America Cake...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 01:43 PM

Yes...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 01:46 PM

Yes...I believe I will try a couple of these...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 01:53 PM

Things Not To Try...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 01:59 PM

Yummy...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 02:00 PM

Interesting...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 02:02 PM

So...Now you know...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 02:05 PM

The Beauty of Nature...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 02:14 PM

Fireworks...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 02:18 PM

Teapot found at Yard Sale for $10
Real Value...???

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 02:21 PM

Creative Cupcakes...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 02:34 PM

Yes...I must have some of these TODAY!
A friend mixes a bag of Skittles and a bag of M&M's...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 02:38 PM

Impressive...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 02:42 PM

No Smoking...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 02:45 PM

A Tropical Night Arriving...

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 04:02 PM

CABBAGE SOUP DIET WORKS...

You know...There are a lot of weird and probably dangerous diets out there...
And the Cabbage Soup Diet is considered one of those by the so-called nutritionists...
They rail about how bad it is and how it does not provide needed nutritional values...
And how you will have bad breath and then there is the passing gas thing...
And that you really have to be a fool to go on this stupid diet...

So...I had a friend who started on this diet on April Fool's Day...
And now it is a little over a month later...
And he has lost 32 pounds...Which is too fast according to the nutritionists...
And I saw him today at the grocery...And he had two heads of Cabbage and some carrots in his shopping cart...
And I asked him how he was feeling and long was he going to stay on this dangerous diet...
And he said he was feeling better than he had in 20 years...And that he went to the doctor for a check-up...
And the test results were the best the doctor had seen for him in years...
And that the doctor took him off of two of his medications...
And he said he was going to continue on it to Memorial Day and then decide if he wanted to lose more weight...

And so, I thought to myself, this guy is going to lose another 20 pounds or so by Memorial day...
And he will be down by 50+ pounds, and I wondered how this could be such a dangerous thing...
And how losing weight like this was universally unapproved by just about all experts...
And as I wandered through the grocery store...I noticed that Cabbage was on sale today...
And I almost bought a head, until I saw the Watermelons...
And I wondered if there was a Watermelon Diet...

**LineCrosser** · 05-03-2012, 04:15 PM

Originally Posted by Auburndale Ray

So...Now you know...

The factory must not smell as nice on Wednesdays.

**Auburndale Ray** · 05-03-2012, 04:17 PM

So...Tonight about an hour after sunset (Thursday night-May 3rd)...
Look up in the southeast skies and if there are no clouds, or light pollution where you live...
You will be able to view a rare and beautiful triple conjunction of the Moon, Saturn and the bright star Spica...
Or...You could just get drunk and continue to waste your pitiful life away...