Political Cows

[motownphilly]

Hope this is not a repeat...I had to post it. It's probably the funniest piece of email I've received:

POLITICAL COWS

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
> > >
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
> > >
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
> > >
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
> > >
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
> > >
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to
support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which
was a gift from your government.
> > >
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays
you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
> > >
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized
and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.
> > >
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.
> > >
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
> > >
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
> > >
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.
> > >
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
> > >
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were
in the hospital.
> > >
IRAQIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go in hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
> > >
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
> > >
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black
one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
best-looking cow.
> > >
NEW YORK CORPORATION
You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you
pick some fat cow from Arkansas

[Biff Mayhem]

*standing ovation*

Loved the New York Corporation

[djhutch]

Originally posted by motownphilly
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The gov't takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

You say this like it's a bad thing. You must be mean-spirited !!

[kevy323]

[baseballbruce30]

PROBLEM: Two Videos are for sale - Which to Buy? Titanic or the Clinton Video

TITANIC VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet
CLINTON VIDEO: $9.99 on Internet

TITANIC VIDEO: Over 3 hours long
CLINTON VIDEO: Over 3 hours long

TITANIC VIDEO: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
CLINTON VIDEO: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack is a starving artist.
CLINTON VIDEO: Bill is a ******** artist.

TITANIC VIDEO: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Bill.

TITANIC VIDEO: During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
CLINTON VIDEO: Ditto for Monica.

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
CLINTON VIDEO: Let's not go there.

TITANIC VIDEO: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
CLINTON VIDEO: Monica is forced to return her gifts.

TITANIC VIDEO: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
CLINTON VIDEO: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

TITANIC VIDEO: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
CLINTON VIDEO: Monica...uh, never mind.

TITANIC VIDEO: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
CLINTON VIDEO: Bill goes home to Hillary ... basically the same thing.

[Billy Ringo]

Good post. The truth hurts so much we have to wrap it in humor in order to face it. I winced a little at the reference to the Polish. I am not Polish myself, but I never met a Polish person I did not like.